I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize