You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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