I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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