the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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