I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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