he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
