Your mouth is God's brothel.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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