I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
