those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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