AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
