I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
