I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
