Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, he came in my armpit
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
