Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize