i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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