"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
