Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Green mimosas i think yes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I came so hard my ears popped.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
