its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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