i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
