I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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