did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
