They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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