If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
