there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
