I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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