That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
