I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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