I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
