You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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