I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What a dumb baby whore.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
