Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
