Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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