this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
