I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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