Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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