I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
