All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize