Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
