Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
