He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
