I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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