My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
