Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize