Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I color on your dick again?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
