So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
