i don't like sucking hair
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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