Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
