our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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