I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
