Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We got so high we made milksteak
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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