wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
