I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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