Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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