i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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