my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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