So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
