yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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