had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
