Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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