TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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