You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
