end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
