Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize