I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
