remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
