one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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