Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize