sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
