If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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