my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
