Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
