Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
