Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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