I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dicks are not precious.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
