I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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